Ever found yourself going the Wrong Way?
Here's how to get to the Wright Way:
http://maps.google.com/
Wrong Way to Wright Way
Driving directions to Wright Way, NY 12059
39.5 mi – about 1 hour 23 mins
Wrong Way, Averill Park, New York 12018
1. Head northeast on Wrong Way toward County Rte-43/Oak Hill Rd 0.1 mi
2. Turn left at County Rte-43/Oak Hill Rd 0.2 mi
3. Slight left at County Rte-40/Plank Rd 2.5 mi
4. Turn left at NY-351 3.7 mi
5. Turn right at NY-43 6.5 mi
6. Merge onto I-90 W via the ramp to Albany 1.5 mi
7. Take exit 6A to merge onto I-787 S toward Albany 4.0 mi
8. Turn left at McCarty Ave/Southern Blvd/US-9W
Continue to follow Southern Blvd/US-9W 0.5 mi
9. Turn left at Delaware Ave/Main St/NY-443
Continue to follow NY-443 14.3 mi
10. Slight right at Helderberg Trail/NY-443 2.7 mi
11. Turn left at Filkins Hill Rd 1.8 mi
12. Turn right at Woodstock Rd 0.8 mi
13. Turn left at Cole Hill Rd/County Rte-2 0.7 mi
14. Turn left at Wright Way 0.1 mi
Wright Way
NY 12059
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
reactive versus proactive
http://sampath.dassanayake.name/2005/12/reactive-vs-proactive-language.html
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tatu - 30 Minutes
Tearjerker, for me, for some reason... a very sad video...
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tatu/30minutes.html
t.A.T.u. LYRICS
30 Minutes Ringtone Send "30 Minutes" Ringtone to Cell Phone 30 Minutes Ringtone
"30 Minutes"
Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of time
To decide
Do we run?
Should I hide?
For the rest
Of my life
Can we fly?
Do I stay?
We could lose
We could fail
In the moment
It takes
To make plans
Or mistakes
30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes,to alter our lives
30 minutes,to make up my mind
30 minutes,to finally decide
30 minutes,to whisper your name
30 minutes,to shoulder the blame
30 minutes,of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes,to finally decide
Carousels
In the sky
That we shape
With our eyes
Under shade
Silhouettes
Casting shade
Crying rain
Can we fly?
Do I stay?
We could lose
We could fail
Either way
Options change
Chances fail
Trains derail
30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes,to alter our lives
30 minutes,to make up my mind
30 minutes,to finally decide
30 minutes,to whisper your name
30 minutes,to shoulder the blame
30 minutes,of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes,to finally decide
To decide
To decide, to decide, to decide
To decide
To decide, to decide, to decide
To decide
[30 Minut]
Zarevet ubezhat
Ili dver na zamok
I molchat I lezhat
Izuchat potolok
I mechtat ne kak vse
Tselovat nebesa
Potolok karusel
Polchasa polchasa
Polchasa poezda pod otkos
Polchasa ne tvoya polosa
Polchasa, polchasa ne vopros
Ne otvet polchasa, polchasa
Polchasa bez tebya, polchasa
Polchasa on I ya, polchasa
Kazhdyi sam, kazhdyi sam Polchasa
po svoim adresam Polchasa
Sorvalas I kak vse
Kak vo sne
Ya ni ya
Ne moya karusel
I mechta ne moya
Ili dym, ili grust
Ili dozhd, po glazam
Ya vernus, ya vernus
Polachasa, polchasa
Polchasa poezda pod otkos
Polchasa ne tvoya polosa
Polchasa, polchasa ne vopros
Ne otvet polchasa, polchasa
Polchasa bez tebya, polchasa
Polchasa on I ya, polchasa
Kazhdyi sam, kazhdyi sam Polchasa
po svoim adresam
Polchasa-a ...
[Thanks to thecrossinggaurdssupreme@hotmail.com, socksrocks01@aol.com for correcting these lyrics]
[ www.azlyrics.com ]
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Expiration week
Yeah, another option expiration week. Am I watching my positions? Not obsessively, I like to think. Once or twice a day. Still, looking at my positions sometimes leads to an impulsive trade. Well, that's partly what got me into one that was looking good yesterday, long OIH with two diamond butterflies 1x2x1 70/80/85 Jan 09. Worth $2000 if all goes well and OIH goes to exactly $80.00 on 3:59:59 EDT Friday, January 16. Ha! Not likely. It'll probably either blow past 80 to 85 or so and be worth $1000, or it'll expire worthless as the market crashes in expiration week again.
Is this on my mind constantly, even if I'm not watching my positions obsessively? Well, with $26,000 of debt, no income, and trading with debt money, I suppose it's unavoidable. So maybe all the obsessive FaceBook gaming these past few weeks has been a way to distract myself from being obsessive about trading. That is *NOT* proof that I am not obsessive about trading, now! It is merely proof that I can replace one habitual obsession with another. Yes, addicts can find substitutes, but substitutes do not cure the addiction.
Hmm, I should probably try some EFT... (Emotional Freedom Technique, some sort of tapping recommended by Joe Mercola of Mercola.com, see http://www.emofree.com/)
Friday, January 9, 2009
Slow work / tiredness / trading
I just stubled across this in my history:
http://luckiestone.blogspot.com/
It's about a law student afflicted by a gambling addiction.
Well, did my gambling addiction take over my life, perhaps to an equal extent? I think that question need not even be asked, if one were to include all the money-loaning activity I did from 1999 through 2004 in the category of my gambling activities. Surely, it did. Does it now, when I just have $10,000 at risk on some option positions that bounce back and forth by about $1000 a day on average, lately? Hmm... It's not so unsettling anymore. No, I don't want to nor expect to just lose that $10k, but I am familiar with the risks now in a way I wasn't three years ago, and I *still*, despite the pain of losing about $100,000 trading these last three years, am glad for the experience of finally coming to understand risk better. But I suppose there may be cheaper and better ways of learning such...
My work on the project, the startup I joined 5 years ago, as has been the case several times these past few years, has been very slow in progress in the last few months. Considering I have no income, I really should just drop it and go get a job, but I am somewhat concerned about how my poor performance of late reflects upon me, and even if that does not affect someone else's judgement of me, it affects my own, so I am determined to get this project to the point I intended to ... to a point of satisfactory completion, having redesigned the database and optimized the cube and the front-end of this BI application. But my perfectionism slows me down, as does some sort of aversion I have to the whole project (maybe because I resent not being paid for it, lately.)
Ahh, hopefully these next few days will go more productively. But once again I was awake most of the night, and am a little bit tired now... need to sleep the next 6 hours, but I plan to fight it for now. That fighting sleep leads, I fear, to a stress loop that makes it hard to get good-quality sleep, but I think exercise should help me work out of it. It seems to me to have helped yesterday.
http://luckiestone.blogspot.com/
It's about a law student afflicted by a gambling addiction.
Well, did my gambling addiction take over my life, perhaps to an equal extent? I think that question need not even be asked, if one were to include all the money-loaning activity I did from 1999 through 2004 in the category of my gambling activities. Surely, it did. Does it now, when I just have $10,000 at risk on some option positions that bounce back and forth by about $1000 a day on average, lately? Hmm... It's not so unsettling anymore. No, I don't want to nor expect to just lose that $10k, but I am familiar with the risks now in a way I wasn't three years ago, and I *still*, despite the pain of losing about $100,000 trading these last three years, am glad for the experience of finally coming to understand risk better. But I suppose there may be cheaper and better ways of learning such...
My work on the project, the startup I joined 5 years ago, as has been the case several times these past few years, has been very slow in progress in the last few months. Considering I have no income, I really should just drop it and go get a job, but I am somewhat concerned about how my poor performance of late reflects upon me, and even if that does not affect someone else's judgement of me, it affects my own, so I am determined to get this project to the point I intended to ... to a point of satisfactory completion, having redesigned the database and optimized the cube and the front-end of this BI application. But my perfectionism slows me down, as does some sort of aversion I have to the whole project (maybe because I resent not being paid for it, lately.)
Ahh, hopefully these next few days will go more productively. But once again I was awake most of the night, and am a little bit tired now... need to sleep the next 6 hours, but I plan to fight it for now. That fighting sleep leads, I fear, to a stress loop that makes it hard to get good-quality sleep, but I think exercise should help me work out of it. It seems to me to have helped yesterday.
Monday, December 22, 2008
December update
Well, it seems I'm long overdue some updates. I haven't had any manic episodes lately, but rather miss it in a way. There was something different about the day after the night I went to the hospital with an apparent manic-exhaustion attack (although perhaps a heat exhaustion attack, at least partly). The following day, it was as if my eyes were opened, and I saw everything in a new light. Actually, I felt a depression lifted. I acted drunk, although I wasn't (apparently, at a drum circle at Greenlake that Thursday, which I joined, the leader thought I might be drunk, though he didn't mind my presence at all. I assured him I wasn't. But I was unusually giddy.) I seemed also hyper-sexual, which could be a bit embarrassing to think of but I didn't act on it in any overt way, it's just that I noticed women even more than I normally do. The most pronounced differences were probably a dropping of my normal low-level depression and fear, and a dropping of my normal critical nature and tendency toward negative judgement. And for that moment, or for those hours, I felt like things that used to matter really didn't, and that all my old fears and negative judgement were really fake and based on an incorrect perception of reality, and that this new reality I was perceiving was the "real" one.
I still would like to return to that, someday, but am not about to smoke coke to do it. (!!! ... of course not.) Nor do I think that taking an excess of energy drinks and alcohol for three days, lacking sleep, in an attempt to reproduce the experience, is particularly wise, and besides, I wouldn't likely have the discipline to push my body to those extremes. I'd more likely nap, take it easy on my body, if it weren't for that new job I had that week (in the first week!). Well, the job only lasted 6 weeks, and perhaps it's largely because of the bad patterns I started out with. But perhaps I knew I could not tolerate that boss for long. Micromanagers are not for me.
So lately, I work from home, on a project that, well, I haven't done as well on as I should. I had a major push on it in October and early November, but have yet to resume quite the same energy, since my 2-week visit to family in Chicago and Hartford areas.
I still would like to return to that, someday, but am not about to smoke coke to do it. (!!! ... of course not.) Nor do I think that taking an excess of energy drinks and alcohol for three days, lacking sleep, in an attempt to reproduce the experience, is particularly wise, and besides, I wouldn't likely have the discipline to push my body to those extremes. I'd more likely nap, take it easy on my body, if it weren't for that new job I had that week (in the first week!). Well, the job only lasted 6 weeks, and perhaps it's largely because of the bad patterns I started out with. But perhaps I knew I could not tolerate that boss for long. Micromanagers are not for me.
So lately, I work from home, on a project that, well, I haven't done as well on as I should. I had a major push on it in October and early November, but have yet to resume quite the same energy, since my 2-week visit to family in Chicago and Hartford areas.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Gödel, Escher, Bach
My older brother gave me this book around 20 years ago, and only now am I getting back to reading it. It talks about paradoxes, which often involve contradictions of a sort, such as:
This sentence is false.
Or systems of true statements which collectively form a paradox:
The following sentence is false.
The previous sentence is true.
It reminds me of the many contradictions or seeming paradoxes I seemed to be observing during my self-diagnosed manic state. I would like to return to that state, but under more controlled conditions (or at least not in the middle of the workweek...) I would like to maintain it in a form. Perhaps it is close to the "normal" state of functioning for most people. It seem to me it involved loss of fear. Maybe it had to do with nearly collapsing (heat exhaustion), yet "surviving" the incident, and after that my mind was "tricked" into dropping fear. Almost as if I'd had a few puffs on some good quality pot. (haha...)
Well, I'd better get back to work....
This sentence is false.
Or systems of true statements which collectively form a paradox:
The following sentence is false.
The previous sentence is true.
It reminds me of the many contradictions or seeming paradoxes I seemed to be observing during my self-diagnosed manic state. I would like to return to that state, but under more controlled conditions (or at least not in the middle of the workweek...) I would like to maintain it in a form. Perhaps it is close to the "normal" state of functioning for most people. It seem to me it involved loss of fear. Maybe it had to do with nearly collapsing (heat exhaustion), yet "surviving" the incident, and after that my mind was "tricked" into dropping fear. Almost as if I'd had a few puffs on some good quality pot. (haha...)
Well, I'd better get back to work....
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Celia - Trag aer in piept
I played this about 10 times this morning. Trying to figure out how many times before I stop loving the song, but I seem to just like it better after several more playings... Sure, it might be partly that I have the video, and she's about as hot as they get (ha...), but no, it's mostly the song.
Beautiful song.
Lyrics in Romanian and English. I might just have to learn Romanian...
http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/romanian-lyrics-translation/30401-please-translate-celia-trag-aer-in-piept-in-english.html
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Ma indrept catre strazi cu soare / I go to streets with sun
Stiu ca nu e drept / I know is not fair
Dar ma-ndepartez incet / But I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert caci ma doare / I cannot forgive you anymore because it hurts me
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Ma indrept catre strazi cu soare / I go to streets with sun
Stiu ca nu e drept / I know is not fair
Dar ma-ndepartez incet / But I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert caci ma doare / I cannot forgive you anymore because it hurts me
Noaptea ma topeste / Night melts me
Incet alunec spre ea / I slowly slip to her
Simt doar un val de lacrimi / I feel waves of tears
Ce spala fata mea / washing my face
Te vad dar nu ne ajungem / I see you but we don't touch (meet, see many contextual synonims)
Doar noaptea in vis / Only in dreams in the night
Ai cheia ce deschide / You have the key which opens
Un suflet inchis / One locked soul
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Ma indrept catre strazi cu soare / I go to streets with sun
Stiu ca nu e drept / I know is not fair
Dar ma-ndepartez incet / But I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert caci ma doare / I cannot forgive you anymore because it hurts me
Amintirile se sting usor / Memories are easily extinguishing
Recunosc ca-mi va fi dor / I admit I'll miss
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert / I cannot forgive you anymore
Caci ma doare... / Because it hurts me
Ca soarele si luna Like the moon and the sun
Noi nu ne intalnim / we never meet
As vrea macar odata / I would lie just once
Noi doi sa stralucim / bouth to shine
Te vad dar nu ne ajungem / I see you but we don't touch (meet, see many contextual synonims)
Doar noaptea in vis / Only in dreams in the night
Ai cheia ce deschide / You have the key which opens
Un suflet inchis / One locked soul
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Ma indrept catre strazi cu soare / I go to streets with sun
Stiu ca nu e drept / I know is not fair
Dar ma-ndepartez incet / But I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert caci ma doare / I cannot forgive you anymore because it hurts me
Amintirile se sting usor / Memories are easily extinguishing
Recunosc ca-mi va fi dor / I admit I'll miss
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert / I cannot forgive you anymore
Caci ma doare... / Because it hurts me
Trag aer in piept.... / I breath
Trag aer in piept... / I breath
Beautiful song.
Lyrics in Romanian and English. I might just have to learn Romanian...
http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/romanian-lyrics-translation/30401-please-translate-celia-trag-aer-in-piept-in-english.html
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Ma indrept catre strazi cu soare / I go to streets with sun
Stiu ca nu e drept / I know is not fair
Dar ma-ndepartez incet / But I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert caci ma doare / I cannot forgive you anymore because it hurts me
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Ma indrept catre strazi cu soare / I go to streets with sun
Stiu ca nu e drept / I know is not fair
Dar ma-ndepartez incet / But I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert caci ma doare / I cannot forgive you anymore because it hurts me
Noaptea ma topeste / Night melts me
Incet alunec spre ea / I slowly slip to her
Simt doar un val de lacrimi / I feel waves of tears
Ce spala fata mea / washing my face
Te vad dar nu ne ajungem / I see you but we don't touch (meet, see many contextual synonims)
Doar noaptea in vis / Only in dreams in the night
Ai cheia ce deschide / You have the key which opens
Un suflet inchis / One locked soul
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Ma indrept catre strazi cu soare / I go to streets with sun
Stiu ca nu e drept / I know is not fair
Dar ma-ndepartez incet / But I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert caci ma doare / I cannot forgive you anymore because it hurts me
Amintirile se sting usor / Memories are easily extinguishing
Recunosc ca-mi va fi dor / I admit I'll miss
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert / I cannot forgive you anymore
Caci ma doare... / Because it hurts me
Ca soarele si luna Like the moon and the sun
Noi nu ne intalnim / we never meet
As vrea macar odata / I would lie just once
Noi doi sa stralucim / bouth to shine
Te vad dar nu ne ajungem / I see you but we don't touch (meet, see many contextual synonims)
Doar noaptea in vis / Only in dreams in the night
Ai cheia ce deschide / You have the key which opens
Un suflet inchis / One locked soul
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Ma indrept catre strazi cu soare / I go to streets with sun
Stiu ca nu e drept / I know is not fair
Dar ma-ndepartez incet / But I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert caci ma doare / I cannot forgive you anymore because it hurts me
Amintirile se sting usor / Memories are easily extinguishing
Recunosc ca-mi va fi dor / I admit I'll miss
Trag aer in piept / I breath
Ma indepartez incet / I go away slowly
Nu mai pot sa te iert / I cannot forgive you anymore
Caci ma doare... / Because it hurts me
Trag aer in piept.... / I breath
Trag aer in piept... / I breath
Friday, July 18, 2008
Stabilized
Probably. As of just a day or two after the episode. And, as I feared during the episode (while I was definitely, in my own perception, talking and thinking fast, ideas and thoughts coming up almost faster than I could process, and calling a few people to talk about things during it all), after the episode of "mania" went away, I practically forgot it existed. I mean, I know I felt different then, and was convinced my mental state was dramatically different, but now (in my "normal" state of mind), it hardly seems like it happened, and that state of mind I was in doesn't seem so strange or abnormal. Partly I think it's that I'm not used to not being depressed, since 99% of the time I am. My only escapes from depression are alcohol (at least 5 or 6 drinks I think; 1 or 2 just makes me mildly drunk but does not sufficiently subdue the depression) or weed. But that stuff doesn't seem to be legal, last I checked, so it's been a while... If only I could have a "normal" brain. Perhaps I destroyed my seratonin neurons that one time I took MDMA (xtc), but I don't really think so. I seem to recall feeling rather depressed or frustrated most of my life, at least since pubescence if not before. It might have to do with some sort of imbalance caused by an inability to properly digest milk or wheat (gluten), but I don't think it's that simple either, because I don't have either of those every day. I do think the doctor who diagnosed me as severely depressed in 2003 was essentially right, though I'm so used to the state of mind that I didn't really realize it.
The funny thing is, I don't act it lately, so I'm not sure all I'm saying is even true (right now). I just know that I swing into a depressed/discouraged/frustrated state of mind sometimes, and sometimes stay there for weeks or months. Right now I am mostly encouraged about my progress at a new job and prospects for continuing there, or heck, if I lose it, my ability to find another.
The funny thing is, I don't act it lately, so I'm not sure all I'm saying is even true (right now). I just know that I swing into a depressed/discouraged/frustrated state of mind sometimes, and sometimes stay there for weeks or months. Right now I am mostly encouraged about my progress at a new job and prospects for continuing there, or heck, if I lose it, my ability to find another.
Monday, July 14, 2008
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