Slow work / tiredness / trading

I just stubled across this in my history:
http://luckiestone.blogspot.com/

It's about a law student afflicted by a gambling addiction.

Well, did my gambling addiction take over my life, perhaps to an equal extent? I think that question need not even be asked, if one were to include all the money-loaning activity I did from 1999 through 2004 in the category of my gambling activities. Surely, it did. Does it now, when I just have $10,000 at risk on some option positions that bounce back and forth by about $1000 a day on average, lately? Hmm... It's not so unsettling anymore. No, I don't want to nor expect to just lose that $10k, but I am familiar with the risks now in a way I wasn't three years ago, and I *still*, despite the pain of losing about $100,000 trading these last three years, am glad for the experience of finally coming to understand risk better. But I suppose there may be cheaper and better ways of learning such...

My work on the project, the startup I joined 5 years ago, as has been the case several times these past few years, has been very slow in progress in the last few months. Considering I have no income, I really should just drop it and go get a job, but I am somewhat concerned about how my poor performance of late reflects upon me, and even if that does not affect someone else's judgement of me, it affects my own, so I am determined to get this project to the point I intended to ... to a point of satisfactory completion, having redesigned the database and optimized the cube and the front-end of this BI application. But my perfectionism slows me down, as does some sort of aversion I have to the whole project (maybe because I resent not being paid for it, lately.)

Ahh, hopefully these next few days will go more productively. But once again I was awake most of the night, and am a little bit tired now... need to sleep the next 6 hours, but I plan to fight it for now. That fighting sleep leads, I fear, to a stress loop that makes it hard to get good-quality sleep, but I think exercise should help me work out of it. It seems to me to have helped yesterday.