AD: cheats

This is a bit embarrassing; same topic as last two posts? Hmm...

I wrote this yesterday

* ip buyer

try { clearInterval(ipupgrades) } catch {} // if already set

ipupgrades = setInterval( () => {

  if (gainedInfinityPoints().exponent - player.infinityPoints.exponent > 33

       && ! EternityChallenge?.current?.config?.id === 4) {

    bigCrunchReset();

  }

  if ( ! ( EternityChallenge?.current?.config?.id === 8 && EternityChallenge?.current?.isRunning )  ) {

    while(ReplicantiUpgrade.galaxies.canBeBought) ReplicantiUpgrade.galaxies.purchase();

    while(ReplicantiUpgrade.chance.canBeBought) ReplicantiUpgrade.chance.purchase();

    while(ReplicantiUpgrade.interval.canBeBought) ReplicantiUpgrade.interval.purchase();

  }

  replicantiGalaxy()

  InfinityDimensions.buyMax() ; InfinityUpgrade.ipMult.buyMax()

  player.lastUpdate -= 900e3

} , 60000); // clearInterval(ipupgrades)

Okay, I definitely got carried away!

I hardly have the words to describe why... game 21 (vanilla AD)? And I'm cheating my way through?

Why?

Waste of time... right?

But there's still a sort of challenge I make to myself that drives me at times.

Just stop it, right? I think so. This year, I need to find more productive and rewariding activities. (And catch up with client work, of course! Or get a full-time job...)

Although, at least I learned the ?. operator in Javascript....

What is it that drives me?

Okay so I probably started with a question, like, 

What if?

"What if I play just one more AD game? How long would it take?"

And I decide to do it mostly without cheats (or without "egregious" cheats), at first.

But I quickly decide to automate some stuff, as grinding infinities quickly becomes tiresome. So it's back to the JS debugger console...

And sure, I got to reality in what? A few days, maybe? I don't know exactly, 3 or 4 I guess, but it was wayyy too intense, especially yesterday.

Because, unlike a *normal* idle game player, my own frustration and self-deprecation combine to drive me to complete it as fast as reasonably possible, so my OCD turns it into a huge time and energy sink and I get nothing done for 4 days.....

Agh...

I should be writing Rust (maybe, or just Python if I can write it cleanly), rewriting all of my client's software using better patterns, or something productive...

Can't explain myself fully... Just, hope I'm almost done finally.

Okay if I were to try to explain, it's probably something to do with a sort of perfectionism, combined with a sort of frustration related to feeling my brain doesn't work quite right, and I keep making mistakes and forgetting stuff. So I play AD 20 to 30 times (vanilla; half of those were largely cheated-thru but about the first 6+ were probably without cheats), and a "fasterer" fork several dozen times (or so.) To debug my brain. Like, why did I forget this part? Why do I still need a guide for this? Why don't I learn?? Etc... (It's largely to do with a problem I have with lack of attention to detail...)

I probably should find an equivalent type of challenge, but with more potential reward. Hackatons. Kaggle. HackerRank. CodinGame. Etc... Or write my own game engine, or contribute to one (Bevy?). Or write a game using Bevy or some other open-source engine.

Or just do the work and responsibilities I have, but "gamify" them or somehow make them into an interesting challenge.

Gaming: What is a game?

Also, what is an addiction? Or a compulsion? And what is the difference?

Compulsive gambling (trading)...

Addictive gaming...

A bit of an alcohol addiction at times...altho I might term it differently.

I've tried it all. And none of those really serve me. Yet they have functions, at least as coping mechanisms, at times. I seem not to want to completely abandon them (tho' I've not traded in about 17 months.)

Partly at the encouragement of the guy I live with lately, I have (mostly) quit Fortnite. (Finally...) And I mostly deride it now, as a silly kids' game. I still aspire to learn UEFN eventually, as the language it employs (Verse) has such solid functional-programming/mathematical foundations (including a linear-type system), that I think the engagement of being a gamedev (probably working on musical/beatmaking experiences in the platform, or maybe generative worlds with a possible incremental/tycoon dynamic) would help me to learn and apply such mathematical foundations in my coding processes, and apply them in other domains. But overall, I doubt Epic's Fortnite platform is the way for me to start as a gamedev, if and when I do... I suppose it may be the easiest start, if I keep my first experiences simple.... conflicted... I think I want to go the direction of an open-source game engine, eg. one written in Rust (the language, not the game), or with Rust bindings. (Many Haskellers seem to have moved on to Rust, lately...)

Why did I do it?

Why did I let myself become a gamer? I haven't been, all my life. Okay, in the 1990s for a while; I tried the Epic Megagames of the time, the Commander Keen and Jill of the Jungle type my father also liked. (That *was* Epic, right?) And Wolf3D, Quake, early Doom, deathmatches, etc, into the early 2000s at times (but not much.) I had plenty of other stuff going on then to not be that drawn to 3d games anymore. But after losing my job at Amazon I found myself drawn to Yahoo Games; Literati and other word games, and an unfortunate Spades addition (like 14,000+ games as I recall.) Then came the stupid Zynga stuff; had to try Mob Wars and Mafia Wars (clickers... incremental... "tycoon" type to use Fortnite terminology.) Very regrettable waste of time and attention, for a few years(!) 

Okay, so I *am* a gamer. On and off.

And maybe the programming was only successful when it fit into my gamer personality. When it was a personal challenge. When there was an obstacle to overcome. When there was a perceived huge reward "at the end of the tunnel." Like when the site I developed from 1996 thru 1999 was sold for millions and I got a healthy percentage of that...

But that doesn't happen many times in one's lifetime, by random chance. Only once, in my case. And I've lost the money, many times over....

I really should 'figure myself out'... what motivates me? What keeps me engaged?

Am I an "actor", a dramatist, as the guy I live with says... should I go to LA (city of sin?) then, and join the (evil) entertainment industry? I think I'm a bit old for that....probably. But perhaps I should give myself an outlet, as a performer.,, 

I greatly admire some performers. "Hi Ren", is an example of a performance I admired and almost envied. I *almost* wanted to do that for karoke, someday, but it's not only very challenging; it's also not my story, and not *exactly* my style. I love the concept, though; externalizing one's inner drama and inner "demons". I would probably choose a lower-key approach, showing a bit more maturity (hopefully) and perspective gained over time. I think I've experienced just as much pain as he has this lifetime though (if perhaps not quite as intensely as he has, lying in bed with an apparent autoimmune condition, for years, with neuroinflammation leading to psychosis.)

Why again, the gaming?

I am sure it was an outlet or an escape from the trading failures. 19 years of trading failures took a huge toll on me, psychologically. It made me feel like a huge huge failure, and only hiding in a game (where there is no such thing as failure) could appease my internal distress. That or escape into alcohol or perhaps the Salvia experience (tho I generally put that into a different category; not so much an escape but more of an engaging experience with a different type of consciousness. I still think it had use, as a psychonaut-type experience, even if maybe it doesn't anymore.)

I also feel like I couldn't get my brain going without a quick game. (Too bad I didn't keep it to that, an occasional brief escape, instead of letting myself go hog-wild with Fortnite Tycoons... they are so stupid to get that deep into that you compete for top-10 in a leaderboard, as I did a few times...)

What does "get my brain going" mean though? I clearly need a different way. Like a brainstorming session; just writing down ideas. That's what my housemate loves to do. (If only he just classified it as his way of "fun", instead of making it so important and involving his ego so much... he  thinks his ideas are worth millions, and I refuse to believe that... well not completely refuse, but the idea isn't the value, in my opinion; it's a wortkable implementation.)

I've probably written enough on this for now. There's no conclusion coming to mind, just, the intent to change my habits and motivations a bit; to get better at engaging in work. And drop my aversions or fears or hesitation or procrastination that has been hampering work progress, in recent years. I would like to at least be *able* to get another full-time job (in IT), and I've not even dared try in recent months (years), while often blaming it on other people (like my obnoxious housemate, but perhaps only obnoxious because he so ardently pushes me to change in ways I don't want to so fast... well there's more to it than that but that's part of it.) 

 

Antimatter Dimensions

Antimatter Dimensions, an incremental game, is some strange sort of torture. Why would anyone spend 93 days to complete it? Clicking on buttons to complete challenges and achievements... from what I have claimed looks more like an advanced analytic tool than a game. It takes a person with a strange brain (and some sort of Stockholm Syndrome) to complete it. Record is something like 313 hours in a speedrun (all active, as speedruns don't allow for inactive progress, when the game isn't running.)

There is a strange draw to it, wanting to know how to get to the next step, next stage... and there are SOOOOO many stages and challenges.

Dimensions make antimatter. AM is used to buy more dimensions. Higher dimensions feed into lower ones; 87654321... (spoiler) a sequence that may be helpful to remember for certain challenges later in the game. Stages seem endless; pre-infinity, Infinity, Eternity, and later stages we aren't even supposed to talk about (spoilers) per rules in their Discord channels (forums). What a strange game... huge numbers, many layers of prestige mechanisms, and the most fascinating thing about it may be that somehow, magically, the math works out. Perhaps that's what keeps the analytically-minded addict going thru to the end. And the sense of utter amazement that Hevipelle, the evil genius, could conceive of such an evil and addicting game. It's a masterful example of overengineering; the type of thing I might get fired for at certain contract jobs in the past.

Yes Hevipelle, I said it. You are a genius. But evil... lol.

 Everything burned.

About two weeks ago, everything burned.

All documents, all computers, all phones, seemingly all truck keys... I can't find them.

Everything. 

Except, I managed to find my wallet. And we had our passports in the truck. And the truck is, probably, okay. 

But a lifetime of stuff collected by two people... what do you do, when everything burns, in 5 minutes? 

Well, we are still alive, and only about $85k lost I guess. Or more. I need a job now... 

I don't feel like posting pictures, or identifying who I am right here. But it was quite a shock, surprise, disappointment, and leaves me exceedingly frustrated. And sometimes feeling a bit cursed, since it comes after a 3 year string of losses, totalling many times the value of this little house. 

Any fantasies I had of creating my own products, apps, services, etc, seem to have gone up in those flames... for now. Just need a job, to rebuild my career, and hopefully not lose it due to my ADHD/Aspergers/focus/communication issues or whatever caused prior job losses.

GTA: open-world gaming and automation

I have been immersed in the world of GTA:O (Grand Theft Auto V : online) for 3 months now, and asking myself questions about motivating factors that draw a person into this game, and keep them interested. I will not make a long post on the topic right now, but it's a mix of visual appeal, variety in the environment, variety of behaviors of characters and objects in the game, and overall an experience that leads to constant discovery (new vehicles, new missions, various unlocks, hidden items.) There's a certain element of skill-building, related to missions/jobs and sale activities. Frustration can be a motivating factor, such as driving into a ditch and then realizing I must be more careful when driving that vehicle next time. So the motivation is to learn to be more careful (while still hurrying, because sales missions are timed.)

old draft about candida (10/26/17 7:33 AM), now identify with Morgellons

For over three years, since about a month after this draft, I've identified with a condition knows Morgellons...

Not sure if I'll leave this up, but here's the old draft:

==

[Drafted 10/26/17 7:33 AM]

Candida(?) treatment protocol started

Candida-self-diagnosed.blogspot.com ? Just kidding...

I have suffered from itching symptoms that have increased over the years, and have been especially pronounced for the last year or so.  (I think my autism/Aspergers/ADHD symptoms, as well as some digestive issues and mild asthma, could be related to a Candida infection going back decades, into my teens or before.)

My latest treatment is Lufenuron, from Owndoc.com

Sunday 10/22 : about 50 to 100mg, I think

Monday: about 100mg to 200mg

Tuesday: about 100 to 200

Wednesday: about 100 to 200. Much itching in face, scalp (eyes, nose, ears)

Thursday 10/26: Still a lot of itching, but the little buggers feel a bit quieter this morning. However, I seem to be scratching my nose. Some itching in my fingertips (just noticed in my left thumb), continued scalp itching.Around 60 to 100mg or so mixed into some Russian kefir grains, but I still haven't dug out a scale to measure, and I estimate 2 grams have been consumed already, so my numbers don't add up. (I should probably put this in a spreadsheet and only blog it when I'm done...)

Nebulous Soliloquy with PsychoTronic Interface to God

Nebulous Soliloquy with PsychoTronic Interface to God - SoundlessDawn

My attempt at transcription. See also:
The Logomachy of Zos - By Austin Osman Spare:
http://hermetic.com/spare/logomachy.html (many quotes are from here)
http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ciencia/ciencia_dimensiones02a.htm
http://www.specularium.org/hypersphere-cosmology
http://www.parareligion.ch/sunrise/staley16.htm
http://labyrinthofthepsychonaut.blogspot.com/2010/12/nebulous-soliloquy-with-psychotronic.html
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0953101606/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=hermeticlibrary-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399373&creativeASIN=0953101606
==

Vorticitating, hyperspherical space-time has no beginning or ending, but its finite and unbounded extent does not render it incomprehensibly infinite in space, either. The chance that rules it does not act completely blindly, because mind forms an integral part of its function.

Welcome, to the participatory universe! The geometry of this map permits magic, and invites all of us to become apprentice gods.

The Abyss, self-projecting from non-existence, the procreatix "I", was the great change in the beginning to extend the purpose of desire for time to make all existence, in exact all things kept forever vague. A sorcerer's only option then is Nebulous Soliloquy with Pyschotronic Interface to God. The body is allowed to manifest spontaneously, and is arbitrary, and impervious to reaction.

Only he who is unconscious of his actions has courage beyond good and evil, and is pure in his wisdom of sound sleep. Will is transitioned. The painful process of transmigration, a labor of birth and death. Volition to supercede a thing is inability to realize the living self. But whatever is attained is but the reawakening of an earlier experience of the body. Man should most desire simultaneous consciousness of the separate entities.
       
All consciousness of "I" is a decline and vegetates good and evil, a thresh that compulsion [of?] limit and morality. From spontaneous nonexistence, germinate all significant ecstacy that shall last in the uttermost impossibilities, unconditioned to will.

You, are this present "god", this termite and many other things not yet domesticated or associated with thought.

This focus "I", called consciousness is unaware of its entire living embodiment, but alternates and epitomizes the personality.

What is "I", and the extent of its conscious habitation? A weak desire. A memory governed by ethics, and ignorant of its own bodies.

Identity, is an obsession. A composite of personalities, all counterfeiting each other. A fabulated ego, a resurging catacomb, or the phantomesque demiurges seek in us their reality. Ideas of self and conflict cannot be slain. By resistance, they are reality. No death or cunning has overcome them. But it is their reinforcement of energy.

The reality we know is interconnected with the unseen by some design of thought we have yet to know.

The eclectic path is not an avoidance of obstacles, but an alignment that cuts through, from one predetermined place to another. God is within us, not yet seen, but as a mirror's reflection, an inexistent reality of presence without resonance.

Reality, Truth, Life

I am everywhere present, yet unknown to myself... I am a configuration of all the multitudinous compositions, and knowing not myself fully how can I know much of other selves and the gods? But the man we know is mainly made from the beliefs that he enacts, for 'being' is a function of the all-remembering Soul ...

[ http://hermetic.com/spare/logomachy.html]

Mathematical alignments prove the pragmatism of "as if"; a straight-line being the segment of an undetermined and extensive arch. Forms attain additives by dimensional differencia and orientations of objects perceived. The quintessence of monotony, all things alike and equal.

Mind, body, ego and all things are formulated from desire; to desire and desire forever.

Within the Alphabet lies all the arbitrary abracadabra of our knowledge.

Panacea: not presence, impulse, conceit, but the audacity of 'instant mind-courage' in action, is the answer that fulfils.

How do we know a damned thing? Chaos is our language; our own eccentric rhythms are unsynchronized to Cosmos—with a mildewed ear for the brassy cacophony of imaginary menageries dissonant to each other; and it all ends drooling over minutiae to discover oneself.

Life is an endless re-creation. Whatever we are, our value is in the next existential: always a composite of some yesterday's potentialities.

Whether we are inspired by the gods or by any other means it is all the same; we are as they, and much as they are to us.

I'm here now; how did that happen? Why does everybody keep telling me it's so damn miraculous? I'm being vampirically fed-off-of as I listen for parasites in-between my heartbeat. Now I'm running through a gauntlet of boring swords and uneventful lemming-like obstacles that my imagination could have easily handled without ever having been born. Now having to suffer this world.

Yet none remembered having desired existence. We are simply "here." We have arrived in a 3-dimensional experimental world of dualism, one of darkness, and of light. One where our unnecessary bodies are temples for letting go of absolutely everything that they attained. We are a part of something that we remember not the purpose or usefulness of. Walking like strangers amongst one-another, increasing hive-mind-telepathy via a universal insect-internet, with an almost full amnesia of our purpose. We know pain and mental-gymnastics. We know how to preoccupy ourselves with the truth that this current reality is a cold one, one which is *extremely* limited. One in which every man and woman clutches themselves in pain and dies alone in absolute horror. But that also offers us gestures and laughter and elation, and at times, bliss, on-tap.

Can we be okay, when we are *not* okay? Will there be a cosmic sign without, or a gentle-germination of some far-off light within? Or can we fool ourselves into never being found again?

In the valley of the psychotron I have seen vistas of vulture-swept canyons that pulsate electric merkaba which dance on my corneas. We can all go there and escape this prison while still being inside of it. Hard alone, having the gift of tongues, this universal understanding. Hence to know its fundaments is the initial path to wisdom and knowledge.

However great your reach, whatever you touch shall touch flesh. We cannot love love too much, when we find it.

We are as shadows of our doubts, delusion [reared?] haunted by our fears and doubts. In our relation to cosmos, if significance is measured by our in-creative ability, then we are of no greater worth than an amoeba. Nature permits no interrogation; our techniques merely imitate, and only if so allowed.

The deceiver, do not further deceive yourself. The function and purpose of life seem almost an experiment in genious; a chosen few at one time.

Genius can create dreams within dreams, and not in the Kitzche Inception-like Hollywood way, either. The imaginative realms are vast and uncompromising, yet malleable to its creator. There exists a Grimoire of symbology, of vague phonic nuances that can join all thought, and is the cryptic language of the subconscious world.
  [ http://www.horusmaatlodge.com/silverstar/SILVERSTAR10-PG23.htm ]
It is the panoramic vista of limitless possibility in the state of no-mind. Deep silence and lonely-longing unfreeze the all-prolific mind. Oh death, thou wouldst be the bringer of great gifts, were thou not a misnomer, "the end."

In some manner, do all the weary speak this. If the absolute relates to all non-absolutes and all antithesis, then we lack only the conjunctionalism for infinite interrelatability, and self-identity.

There is no greater mystery than man, because of his imperfections, his great love of falsity, his great hatred of his-self. A touch of lusty levity cures the illusions of our hemianopic moralities, sensibilities, and righteousness. For the life-force is not blind, we are.

God is absolutely my own idea, our own idea, otherwise God cannot exist. Some things are far-distant in time and space. We journey by relatability, whether fictional or non-fictional; either will serve.

Man's love for fancy dress, of masquerading his true translatable symbolism, one fiction guising another. There are conventions of asking, giving, receiving and taking.  How remiss we are, we are often ask, give-to, receive or take from the wrong people. We are dimensionally-caged, but nothing prevents our looking through the bars. Imagination has fewer bars than reasoning.

Thought is like the ether; it conveys and permeates all things, giving all we initially know. And what do we give it in return?

We can try to know ourselves, to renounce ourselves. We but change our mental clothes by new figures of speech. The mind is our index of the infinite, exhibiting a universe of which we know little, yet the unknowable within us is vaster, and hence more potent a possibility.

We have erected the negation of equity into a form of existence by systems of government which we perceive as reptilian engineers that have stolen our birthright, but the control-system is a game, and of the nominal, our eternity, we hope that all of our efforts in life are ultimately for a permanent perfection. With change an additional pleasure, everything, knowledge and experience of life contradict such a possibility, yet we feel it; we know of its coming.

no salvia lately, work and projects

I just can't seem to get back to "doing Salvia" lately, still. Work + current girlfriend + current projects seem incompatible with such explorations. At the same time, I feel like it would help me to occasionally "reboot", as the deep Salvia trance can feel like (when you forgot everything, even that you were a human in the midst of an incarnation, or whatever you may term this lifetime, and you simply "be", as pure consciousness, with no verbal thought forms cluttering up your consciousness. Thought-free awareness.) I still intend to get back to making extract, with my second of two kg that I bought in 2009. It's been a rather long journey, since those first few doses of 20x extract. I can't say whether I've become a better person for having done it. I think I let go of some stuff, but it's hard to put into words. I realized "life is a game", but maybe that's not the right characterization, because I don't want to imply that our journey through this life is completely trivial or unimportant. I don't think we would have decided to come here into this dimension, this reality, this experience, with all of its challenges if it were unimportant. But "don't sweat the small stuff", and "don't *should* on your self"; basically, don't regret, and forgive yourself for any and all "mistakes". And maybe there are no "mistakes", per-se, since we decided to come here and to have this experience. I think I've internalized some of this, on some level, yet I think I continue to resist. I have some doubts whether Salvia can take me any further, however. Perhaps it can open the door to greater awareness and understanding, but that I as a conscious being in a human body have to do the real work of integration and proving that I understand the lessons I had a glimpse of in an intuitive sense in the Salviaic state. I have some suspicion, at times, that he/she, the spirit of Salvia, gave up on me, at least for a time, because I was so stubborn and disrespectful (especially when I did Salvia mixed with alcohol, and in a nightclub environment a couple of times. My motivations at times were closer to a form of abuse, and Salvia doesn't like that. It wants respect, demands it even, and if you do it without respect, you may get a drug experience, but that may be all you get. No insights, no trip anywhere, just a brief drug-experience and no more. That's the way it feels. Or maybe my psyche had had enough of it and had no more to reveal to myself (strange to think of me and myself as this dichotomy...) Either way, I seem to have given up, for now. At least until I get up the determination to make extract again. But the gf practically forbids it (because of an irrational fear of acetone toxicity.) Oh well...

Xiki: Can your shell console do this?

Teen Speaks Over 20 Languages