Past salvia experiences ("trips")

I so far do not keep a trip-log. If I were to reconstruct one, some trips would be summarized briefly as follows:

1) I am not my body. This is a recurrent and profound realization. Robert Monroe was right, I think. I am awareness. I'm merely wearing this body, for a while, like a glove.

2) Matrix-like nature of reality. A feeling that this is the red-pill; gateway to the "other side of the matrix", and that I might fall asleep here and wake up there and realize that my entire life was just a dream. (Read about the Maya, or the illusory nature of reality for more on this concept.)

3) "Avatar"-like nature. My body felt like a glove that I was wearing; somewhat more-loosely than normal after taking this "solvent" that was dissolving my connection to my body. I think we each went to the Rent-a-body outfit in that place from which we came, signed a form to live an Earth-life, then popped out as baby, forgetting who we are (due to the "veils of perception", or some sort of law of forgetting that says we decided to forget who we were so that we could live a new life unencumbered by preconceived notions about what we should do in this life.)

4) This is "serious stuff". I could comment at length on speculations about what that perception may mean, but I'm really not sure. It does NOT mean that I was thinking "this is strong stuff". Rather, it means to me, that this new perception of reality is getting at some "big secret" or truth that most people are not aware of. That's probably because most people are stuck in their egos most of their lives. (See http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UniversalLifeOutreach/message/1010 )

5) Life is all a game, and there is no "right" or "wrong", per se. We are all just learning and growing here. This is a frustrating perception, because it makes me feel there is no justice. There may be karma, but I'm still not sure what to think on that topic. I've been angered before (while on Salvia) by this perception, and I'm still a little upset by this realization at times.

6) The brain/body comprise a transceiver, interfacing between "this reality" and some higher realm from which our soul/higher-self come. For example, I consider autistic people to have a transceiver that is just tuned to a slightly different frequency (as an analogy for neurodiversity.)

7) This body needs work. More exercise, better food, better sleep habits, etc. I need to work on cleaning out the "gunk" that is slowing my body down and making me tired so frequently. Frequent insights or perceptions are related to my body. Somehow, being slightly dissociated from the body makes it easier to look within the body for problems it may be having (and to realize that the body, and those problems is has, are not "you".)

These were all on light to medium-level doses. The heavy doses always seem to scare me a bit, so far, so I've yet to "break-through". But though I may visit some interesting realms, I've given to believe (based on my discussions with a buddy) that I'm unlikely to find much deeper, more-profound truths by going there. So it may be unnecessary at this point; maybe I've gotten all I need out of the experiences I've had.

In particular (referring to a recent experience), seeing strong visual effects can apparently be a bit difficult, because the brain seems to have a habit of thinking that everything it perceives is real. The ego is shocked and hurt when "reality" starts to dissolve right in front of its eyes. At least, that's how I felt when I had my strongest dose yet (about 0.07 grams of 20x, I guess, not particularly strong, but the strongest in recent history.) Call me a wimp; I guess I just haven't been ready for the really strong doses yet (after 9 months...sheesh.) They are emotionally taxing, because of beliefs my body/brain have that I didn't even know I had. Like, the floor and my sneaker just "shouldn't" turn into little swirling vortexes of some sort of apparent liquid/gaseous-like substance. You'd think "that's just a visual effect; what's the big deal?" But it's almost as if "Lady Salvia" is trying to tell me, really strongly, that this altered-perception of reality is MORE REAL than the usual brainwave-state I am walking around in, and my ego is saying NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... DONT TELL ME THAT!!!!!!!!! It's an intensely emotional and painful experience if you don't want to see the "truth" behind this reality. I had no bodily fear, but I found the experience uncomfortable to my psyche. Yet I think there is value in the suffering; once you are through it, you can begin to see through the illusions you've built up in your psyche (your false beliefs, of which the ego consists).

The following post seems quite apropos:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/world-affairs/24883-doctors-participate-anti-salvia-propoganda.html

"A strong dose of Salvia (one thick, solid bong hit) is like the peak of basically any other drug times two. It might put some things into perspective for you, albeit very bluntly and harshly. I can see why most people can't handle it. I can just barely handle it, and I can handle a lot.

If you are living a lie, or an immature, self-centered life, you will most likely have a very painful trip.

Salvia is full of absolute truth. Most people, in general, don't want to see the truth. Not really. If you are, however, at a point in your life where things seem overly dramatic, or confusing, a salvia trip will certainly put them into perspective for you, in one way or another."

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However, further reading about HPPD and some feeling of residual lightheadedness that I have been noticing has me thinking that it might be wise to quit playing around with Salvia, at least for a while. Frustrating, since I still haven't obtained "breakthrough", but maybe being (or becoming) more grounded in "this reality" requires me to *NOT* "break-through" to some apparently-other "reality", or whatever would occur. However, I don't know...I have trouble believing there's any harm is "just one" breakthrough...

But the light doses seem not to usually bring any new strong insights. I think Salvia may have taught me all I need to know, for now, until such time as I've integrated and acted on my new understandings.