hit by a train

my chat with a skype buddy [last night] salvia is sometimes a good temporary cure for depression, and can have lasting positive effects, used a few times. i think it loses its usefulness for that purpose after a few weeks/months of use, because usually one has gotten all the change they can get out of it by then this morning [8:02:27 AM] me: okay funny "he used to bring my books into McDonalds with him" from that video Uploaded by healthysuperfood on Feb 10, 2010 http://www.superfoodhealthyliving.com/article-Marine-Phytoplankton.html [8:04:48 AM] me: http://www.enerex.ca/en/product_categories/gastro-intestinal-g-i-tract-support [8:24:04 AM] me: human in this body was trying to ask a question. I'm not sure I can quite remember that question he was trying to ask [8:24:19 AM] me: something like ............. so why would anyone do this? [8:24:31 AM] me: but human didn't really know how to ask the question when he was there [8:24:34 AM] me: in that state [8:24:48 AM] me: human tried to ask the question but all he could do was stare out in space [8:24:59 AM] me: and think something like .... what is this reality here? [8:25:19 AM] me: while looking outside and seeming to vaguely... almost... remember something....... [8:25:22 AM] me: but what...... [8:25:30 AM] me: human couldn't quite think what he was remembering...... [8:25:50 AM] me: human was looking out at the grass..........hearing the rooster.... trying to remember........ [8:25:56 AM] me: it was some dream-like state........ [8:26:01 AM] me: what was it...... [8:26:06 AM] me: so hard to identify...... [8:26:18 AM] me: so hard to explain....where was he....or where was he going... [8:26:23 AM] me: the weight.... it was so strong [8:26:28 AM] me: the pull....was so strong [8:26:32 AM] me: then the pull subsides [8:26:36 AM] me: and the human is back [8:26:39 AM] me: and the human is typing [8:26:46 AM] me: and he stares at his screen blankly [8:26:51 AM] me: as the pull subsides [8:27:02 AM] me: the salvia creature has lost its grip on the human [8:27:04 AM] me: lol [8:27:19 AM] me: okay that was the first strong hit in a while [8:27:21 AM] me: whew [8:27:56 AM] me: it wasn't strong enough [8:28:05 AM] me: one hit didn't allow the salvia-creature to take me away [8:28:07 AM] me: but wow [8:28:10 AM] me: it was weird [8:28:16 AM] me: not "eerie" the way it used to feel [8:28:26 AM] me: I think that "eerieness" was a fear I had of it, partly [8:28:30 AM] me: I have no fear anymore [8:28:35 AM] me: I am too familiar with it [8:28:41 AM] me: I think I am ready. I could go there now [8:28:47 AM] me: but should I???? [8:28:48 AM] me: I dont know [8:28:51 AM] me: maybe not [8:28:56 AM] me: sigh [8:30:01 AM] me: when one comes back, one might be almost-traumatized [8:30:08 AM] me: because it's like coming back from a near train-hit [8:30:23 AM] me: then he thinks "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT????!!!!!!!!!!!!" [8:30:45 AM] me: certainly if he never did it before he would think that [8:31:28 AM] me: oh I was about to fax my employment documents [8:31:31 AM] me: lol almost forgot [8:31:32 AM] me: lol [8:32:26 AM] me: not really but when you're almost hit by a train, metaphorically speaking, it's hard to just get up and walk to FedEx Copy Print and continue as if nothing happened [8:32:32 AM] me: even if you're used to being hit by trains [8:32:35 AM] me: lol [8:33:04 AM] me: okay here i go off to fax [8:33:06 AM] me: whew [8:33:57 AM] me: (what better time than when I'm done with my job search and haven't started the new job yet?. Wish I'd gone further, but maybe that was far enough for now.) [8:35:28 AM] me: (and to think I was telling a former mushroom-eating acid-taking girl last night that I thought I had accepted that I was about done with Salvia, at least for a while.... hmm) [8:36:45 AM] me: it's probably better i not go further today [8:36:49 AM] me: i have humans to talk to [8:36:53 AM] me: TCS humans [8:37:05 AM] me: finish the application process etc [8:37:12 AM] me: best for me to be human today [8:38:47 AM] me: the human laughs as he notices the difficulty of walking [8:38:50 AM] me: he is still dizzy [8:39:14 AM] me: imagining stumbling into Fedex and people wondering whether to report public drunkenness [8:39:18 AM] me: he hesitates [8:39:24 AM] me: wonders if he should wait 5 more minutes [8:39:31 AM] me: nah, i'll be fine by the time i get there [8:39:44 AM] me: but i dont think i want to bicycle, hmm, do I? hmmm [8:39:50 AM] me: scary thought [8:41:21 AM] me: Okay *that* is one way I might explain it to someone [8:41:28 AM] me: if asked "why is salvia useful?" [8:42:04 AM] me: I might answer "Some people have never been hit by a train. Being hit by a train causes them to rethink every belief they've held on to about life and death. Salvia does that, without killing the body." [8:42:32 AM] me: off course, it's an experience few people would choose twice [8:42:42 AM] me: :D [8:43:21 AM] me: BUT IF YOU'VE LOST A COUPLE MILLION DOLLARS AND ARE STILL STRUGGLING TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES OF LOSS THAT ENGENDERS.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [8:43:26 AM] me: wellll...... [8:43:37 AM] me: you might want to be hit by a few trains [8:44:24 AM] me: *now* I can ride my bike then I anonymize myself and post this, now I'm off