hit by a train

my chat with a skype buddy [last night] salvia is sometimes a good temporary cure for depression, and can have lasting positive effects, used a few times. i think it loses its usefulness for that purpose after a few weeks/months of use, because usually one has gotten all the change they can get out of it by then this morning [8:02:27 AM] me: okay funny "he used to bring my books into McDonalds with him" from that video Uploaded by healthysuperfood on Feb 10, 2010 http://www.superfoodhealthyliving.com/article-Marine-Phytoplankton.html [8:04:48 AM] me: http://www.enerex.ca/en/product_categories/gastro-intestinal-g-i-tract-support [8:24:04 AM] me: human in this body was trying to ask a question. I'm not sure I can quite remember that question he was trying to ask [8:24:19 AM] me: something like ............. so why would anyone do this? [8:24:31 AM] me: but human didn't really know how to ask the question when he was there [8:24:34 AM] me: in that state [8:24:48 AM] me: human tried to ask the question but all he could do was stare out in space [8:24:59 AM] me: and think something like .... what is this reality here? [8:25:19 AM] me: while looking outside and seeming to vaguely... almost... remember something....... [8:25:22 AM] me: but what...... [8:25:30 AM] me: human couldn't quite think what he was remembering...... [8:25:50 AM] me: human was looking out at the grass..........hearing the rooster.... trying to remember........ [8:25:56 AM] me: it was some dream-like state........ [8:26:01 AM] me: what was it...... [8:26:06 AM] me: so hard to identify...... [8:26:18 AM] me: so hard to explain....where was he....or where was he going... [8:26:23 AM] me: the weight.... it was so strong [8:26:28 AM] me: the pull....was so strong [8:26:32 AM] me: then the pull subsides [8:26:36 AM] me: and the human is back [8:26:39 AM] me: and the human is typing [8:26:46 AM] me: and he stares at his screen blankly [8:26:51 AM] me: as the pull subsides [8:27:02 AM] me: the salvia creature has lost its grip on the human [8:27:04 AM] me: lol [8:27:19 AM] me: okay that was the first strong hit in a while [8:27:21 AM] me: whew [8:27:56 AM] me: it wasn't strong enough [8:28:05 AM] me: one hit didn't allow the salvia-creature to take me away [8:28:07 AM] me: but wow [8:28:10 AM] me: it was weird [8:28:16 AM] me: not "eerie" the way it used to feel [8:28:26 AM] me: I think that "eerieness" was a fear I had of it, partly [8:28:30 AM] me: I have no fear anymore [8:28:35 AM] me: I am too familiar with it [8:28:41 AM] me: I think I am ready. I could go there now [8:28:47 AM] me: but should I???? [8:28:48 AM] me: I dont know [8:28:51 AM] me: maybe not [8:28:56 AM] me: sigh [8:30:01 AM] me: when one comes back, one might be almost-traumatized [8:30:08 AM] me: because it's like coming back from a near train-hit [8:30:23 AM] me: then he thinks "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT????!!!!!!!!!!!!" [8:30:45 AM] me: certainly if he never did it before he would think that [8:31:28 AM] me: oh I was about to fax my employment documents [8:31:31 AM] me: lol almost forgot [8:31:32 AM] me: lol [8:32:26 AM] me: not really but when you're almost hit by a train, metaphorically speaking, it's hard to just get up and walk to FedEx Copy Print and continue as if nothing happened [8:32:32 AM] me: even if you're used to being hit by trains [8:32:35 AM] me: lol [8:33:04 AM] me: okay here i go off to fax [8:33:06 AM] me: whew [8:33:57 AM] me: (what better time than when I'm done with my job search and haven't started the new job yet?. Wish I'd gone further, but maybe that was far enough for now.) [8:35:28 AM] me: (and to think I was telling a former mushroom-eating acid-taking girl last night that I thought I had accepted that I was about done with Salvia, at least for a while.... hmm) [8:36:45 AM] me: it's probably better i not go further today [8:36:49 AM] me: i have humans to talk to [8:36:53 AM] me: TCS humans [8:37:05 AM] me: finish the application process etc [8:37:12 AM] me: best for me to be human today [8:38:47 AM] me: the human laughs as he notices the difficulty of walking [8:38:50 AM] me: he is still dizzy [8:39:14 AM] me: imagining stumbling into Fedex and people wondering whether to report public drunkenness [8:39:18 AM] me: he hesitates [8:39:24 AM] me: wonders if he should wait 5 more minutes [8:39:31 AM] me: nah, i'll be fine by the time i get there [8:39:44 AM] me: but i dont think i want to bicycle, hmm, do I? hmmm [8:39:50 AM] me: scary thought [8:41:21 AM] me: Okay *that* is one way I might explain it to someone [8:41:28 AM] me: if asked "why is salvia useful?" [8:42:04 AM] me: I might answer "Some people have never been hit by a train. Being hit by a train causes them to rethink every belief they've held on to about life and death. Salvia does that, without killing the body." [8:42:32 AM] me: off course, it's an experience few people would choose twice [8:42:42 AM] me: :D [8:43:21 AM] me: BUT IF YOU'VE LOST A COUPLE MILLION DOLLARS AND ARE STILL STRUGGLING TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES OF LOSS THAT ENGENDERS.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [8:43:26 AM] me: wellll...... [8:43:37 AM] me: you might want to be hit by a few trains [8:44:24 AM] me: *now* I can ride my bike then I anonymize myself and post this, now I'm off

Gregg Braden / Appreciation

Watched/Listened to Gregg Braden's Language of the Divine Matrix on Youtube. I don't agree with all of his conclusions exactly, but the message was fairly clear, that we create our reality from our hearts, and from what we believe in the present moment. I don't smoke or chew Salvia D. often lately. When I smoke it, the smoke seems horribly harsh and my mild bronchitis for the last 7 weeks has been discouraging me from doing so. And again, no new insights. I think he/she/it has told me all I need to know for now, or that I've gotten all that is useful out of the experience. Nevertheless, I haven't given up completely (maybe I should.) But I think I should schedule my experiences, say once a month at most, so that I can prepare properly and get something (somewhat) substantial out of the experience. I had for a time considered using Salvia as a means of coping through a transition to an altered sleep cycle such as the UberMan or EveryMan or Dynamaxion sleep schedules, which are a total of 2 to 3 hours of sleep each day (4.5 in the case of Everyman, with its 3-hour core sleep), but I have serious doubts I'll ever try those. It would be an interesting exercise in discipline, however... maybe there's yet a way I can work up the self-discipline or determination to endure the sleep-deprivation in the first week that is so difficult to get through. Hmm... I still think the somewhat altered-state described in Steve Pavlina's post about his experience with an "Uberman" type of polyphasic sleep schedule was interesting enough to possibly be worth the trouble of getting to, and that I'd learn something from the process. But motivating myself to actually make such a radical change to my sleep schedule? Where does that kind of motivation come from? Maybe if I can convince myself I'll somehow solve my financial problems (high credit card debt at high interest), then I could do it. Hmm. Maybe in that altered state in my free time I'd finally be motivated to do all the clean-up I've been procrastinating about. But that seems unlikely; if I don't do it now, why would I then? I still want to *someday* have a *really* intense Salvia experience, hopefully a "breakthrough", and see where it can take me. Amazing that I still haven't gotten there. Either I'm chicken (but don't feel like it), or it's just not meant to be. I don't think it's impossible to do with my latest extract (which is getting a bit old; I wonder if it loses potency), yet I've only been to the mild hallucination stage. Talking about it makes me tempted to try again, though it's late enough tonight that I'm probably just going to crash for the night and sleep. Lately I'm more interested in non-drug approaches to altering my mental state. Most interesting is Holotropic Breathwork, or breathing circles, or circular-breathing in-general. I think the transpersonal consciousness state is clearly attainable through such techniques, because I'm convinced I was there in February in a Holotropic Breathwork workshop, and that I was at least mildly into that state in a breathing circle since then. Much can be brought up and released (automatically) through entering that state. Salvia doesn't really seem to teach the body anything. It can teach the mind, the person, the consciousness, but not the body. To really learn the lessons we need to learn in this incarnation, we need to teach our bodies and brains techniques for modulating our mental and emotional states. Such as, as Gregg Braden may teach, and many religions may teach, the importance of appreciation. Having an attitude of appreciation is truly powerful, or so I'm led to believe. I can't say I've yet integrated that teaching, and practiced it.